Diary

I'm treating this blog lately more like a diary than what I had originally intended any blog of mine to be about: travel, joy, discovery, happiness.

Instead, it reads as depressingly as Dostoevsky without all the Russian brilliance and whatnot.

I need to do this. I need to narrate my unhappiness so I don't forget it and regret making changes when that time comes.

I am unhappy. I am cold. I am often in the dark, and I mean that literally not figuratively. I eat crap food, I never see my husband with his crazy schedule and the demands of my job are fraying my nerves and aging me faster than I could have thought possible.

I don't sleep well. It used to be that I would wake up in the middle of the night, excited about an idea for a lesson plan or a project. Now I have nightmares of failure, disappointing others, running from death in a thousand different forms, facing every insecurity I have.

I need to document this so I don't forget.