Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Reasons I Hate the Cold

 1. It makes my skin itchy and dry.

2. It makes me super pale, which is not flattering on me or pretty much anyone else who does not have dark brown/black hair and red lips.

3. My husband's skin is now dry and pale when he used to be confused with a latino. He feels unnatural.

4. The cold is depressing.

5. I hate stepping out of the shower when it's freezing.

6. Heating costs are astronomical.

7. People aren't really friendly when they're cold. Including (especially?) me.

8. No one wants to go outside when it's cold. My dog pretends to be asleep so he won't have to go out to go to the bathroom.

9. Pipes freeze.

10. Roads freeze.

11. I gain weight because I eat more.

12. I never want to get out of bed.

13. Everything I wear is the opposite of sexy because I just want to be warm and no cold hands anywhere near me.

14. Shaving my legs is out because goosebumps (that damn cold shower/bathroom situation) make my skin act like a cheese grater. Basically, using a razor would be debilitating for me and horrifying for anyone trying to use the shower after me.

15. The air is extremely dry. I went to the airport not too long ago and had a horrible freaking nosebleed, which never happens to me, right in front of everyone I was about to board with. I'm talking blood all over my face, hands, everywhere. So embarassing.

16. Static electricty is constant. I get zapped by my couch, my computer, my dog, my car door- everything.

17. My hair is flat, yet has tons of static electricity during the winter.

18. It is never really sunny during the winter, but during cold months, the sun completely sets by 4:30pm.

19. Salt on the roads makes your car look like shit.

20. Once snow starts to melt, but it's still too cold to totally melt, it just makes everything a slushy, muddy mess.

21. Chapped lips is a major concern and nothing but a tub of vaseline will fix it. Also, chapped feet can be fixed the same way!

22. Fresh produce is in short supply.

23. Social lives are in short supply. Nobody wants to do anything unless they have to and/or are in college.

24. Suicide rates go up.

25. Happiness rates go down (Seasonal Affective Disorder).

Honestly, I should have looked at this chart from the beginning.
Seems to sum it up.

Update: J has a few additions.

* When it is cold, you have to bundle up. When you bundle up, you always have the feeling of being in a straitjacket.

* If you fall or hurt yourself, it always feels worse in the cold.

* You can't take the top off the Jeep.

* Parking is bad because there are mounds of snow from the plows.

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