Wedding, Part Deux

In March 2009, Josh and I got married.

It wasn't the wedding we had planned, but I loved it. We had been planning a huge event with all our friends and family and, due to a change in deployment schedule, the big wedding was switched out for a small ceremony. It was in Oklahoma on post with only a few of our closest family members in attendance. 

And now? We're planning Wedding: Part Deux. 

I am so excited!

We just wanted to have a big event (we? probably more me than him, but he goes along with it because he loves me.) It'll still be a small budget affair, but I have big plans for it. 

It will be Christmas time since we were planning on going up for the holidays anyway, we know he has a better chance of  getting time off then, and his parents were going to come up to Massachusetts this year.

I have a few things in mind...but we just want this to be all about being together and celebrating our marriage with our families. 

It's going to be soooo fun! 

Especially since I'm meeting with a DJ/photographer duo, a married couple, and the woman describes herself on the website as a former Jazzercise instructor.

Serious fun. 

One Year

One year ago today, I married my best friend. He is the craziest, funniest, strongest, most linguistically creative man I have ever met. He's handsome and charming and wears his heart on his sleeve- you never have to guess how he feels about you (good or bad). He's honest to a fault and generous to others in need; he would make a great father in spite of the fact that whenever we go to the mall, he starts to get really upset about how teenage girls dress and then yells at me as if I allowed them out of the house like that.  (Which, incidentally, I find to be a hilarious quirk of his personality and my laughing at him while he's angry probably doesn't help the situation.) He loves his mama and his father was the best man at our wedding.

What I'm trying to say is, I love the man.

Last year, J and I were planning a huge wedding to take place on July 17th in Massachusetts. It was going to be in the church I grew up in and all our family and friends were invited. Our guest list was close to 200 people coming from all over the country. The dress I found with my mother was waiting in my closet back home.

On March 12th, we found out that J was deploying and would already be gone before our wedding. I cried hysterically while canceling everything and asking my mother to let people know to throw out their save-the dates. Not only was he deploying a half a year before expected, but all the soldiers were told to "clean up any affairs" they had within the week as they would have no time off after that before shipping out.

J and I decided; we wanted to pull together whatever we could and get married before he left. He spoke to the chaplain on post, who said he would be more than happy to marry us on Friday night. J scheduled us for the Old Post Chapel, built in 1875. It was small and intimate and perfect.

His parents and grandmother said they would drive out for our ceremony and my parents and brothers booked their flights. We wouldn't have the 200 people we had originally planned, but we would have our parents and close family there to help us celebrate.

Somehow, everything magically fell into place. The church was beautiful and the chaplain was fantastic. A photographer I had booked for engagement photos rushed home from a conference in Las Vegas to be our wedding photographer. Josh found a perfect restaurant that allowed us to book a private room for our small reception. Since my wedding dress was still hanging in my closet at home, I searched frantically for my wedding dress. I finally found it- a perfect traveling dress, design circa 1940. The top was cream silk with a draped neckline. A thin belt cinched under the bustline, leading to a fitted tweed skirt. While I was searching for shoes to match, the women in the store could see I was a little frantic and came to my rescue! They brought out everything they could find that might match, and when I mentioned what I was looking for for my veil, they called up a boutique close by to see if they could help!

With my dress draped over my arm and my perfect heels purchased, I stopped in at the shop and found that a girl there could make custom birdcage veils and, after hearing that I was to be married in only a few days, said she would take the project home to make sure it was ready for the wedding! On top of that, a woman I worked with suggested a salon, and when I went in to speak with someone, one stylist said she would love to do it as she had just been practicing 40's inspired styles!

With the two of us running around, J and I didn't even have time to be stressed. I didn't worry about the food, or if people would like the music, or walking down the aisle, or not having time to lose weight or whatever else I'm sure my crazy self would have stressed about given months of time to think on it. Everything just started to come together.

The night before our wedding, his parents and grandmother drove in to town. In the meantime, my parents and brothers had landed and had made their way to our apartment. I gave them big hugs when they walked in and my brothers shook J's hand for the first time. We talked for a few minutes before I heard a knock on the door. I was shocked as I opened it to find my aunt and uncle coming in, laughing and yelling and ready to party. My cousin Kate came up behind them and yelled, "You can't get married without your maid of honor!" They had secretly booked flights to come out to be there for our wedding. I started crying while I hugged them and was so happy that they would be there.

That night we had a quick rehearsal followed by a big dinner at Olive Garden. My uncle cracked jokes with my soon-to-be father in law and J's grandmother got a little feisty with out waiter- I'm not sure how she did it, but he ended up singing and dancing on a chair while she clapped out a beat. My brothers made funny, dry remarks while my mother and J's mother barely break rhythm in conversation. It was fantastic.

The next day was THE day. Our families went out for brunch while I went to the salon and to get my nails done, trying to figure out where I was going to get pictures done with the photographer when she arrived. I still hadn't come up with anything. I got back to the apartment at the same time as my mother arrived with a bouquet of roses. She used her skills to put together my bridal bouquet, attaching the cross necklace my grandmother had given me. While talking to my cousin, I remembered- there is an old, historic home perfectly preserved that is open as a museum. I called and a woman picked up the phone. I told her I was getting married and hoped the museum might let me take a few photos. She said that the museum wasn't open, but for some reason she had decided to get there three hours early; she said that if we wanted to come do photos, she would open it just for us and we would have the place to ourselves!

My mother, cousin and I went before leaving for the church. My father walked me down the aisle as my cousin stood as my maid-of-honor while J stood at the front with his father acting as best man. I couldn't stop smiling and I don't really remember anything else but J, standing there, facing me as we said our vows. I remember thinking that he was so sincere and heartfelt and I stood there, grinning like an idiot. He kissed me and I think there was music, but I didn't even notice at the time. We left the church and stood outside in the afternoon sun, hugging family and taking photos before leaving for the reception.

At the restaurant, which was beautiful, we had some of the best food I have ever had. Our families raved about their filets or seafood, and plates and plates of hors d' oeuvres kept arriving. We toasted with strawberries and champagne and they surprised us with a delicious red velvet cake; my husband's favorite kind.

It wasn't what we were planning on, but I can say now that I have no regrets about any of it. I loved our chapel, our chaplain (who stayed to celebrate at the reception!), our photographer, my dress, his uniform, how intimate it was, everything. Every single thing was perfect because, one year ago, I got to marry the most perfect man for me, the one I wasn't expecting, the one who makes me laugh, the one who makes me realize how much I love him everyday.

Our Wedding Video

P.S. While I was writing this, he sent me these- (he's so good!)

la fin.

Today, even though it's already January 2nd, seemed like a good time to reflect and review. Also, I'm not hungover today. Normally I'm not really that big into celebrating New Year's, but my uncle's 50th birthday happened to fall the same day and clearly necessitated a bottle and a half of wine on my part. (Clearly a poor choice since I spent some of the next day trying not to puke at an Olive Garden.)

As I began reflecting on choices yesterday, I think I need to get more perspective on the year as a measure of my ability (or lack thereof? we'll see) to make good decisions.

January- living in Oklahoma with my fiance! (he proposed right before Christmas), started my 2nd long-term sub assignment at a local high school and began my Master's. Also, this month marked me entrance to my mid-twenties.

Verdict: Hey, that sounds pretty good!

February: Started to really dislike my co-teacher. Her job perameters were never made clear, and she and I disagree on almost everything at a fundamental level. She tries to take over class and is shot down because I asked an administrator (who I'm kind of friendly with) what exactly she's supposed to be doing. Beginning to learn about the politics teachers have to deal with and it is NOT pretty. Become a little less disillusioned about teaching. Also, now part of the dysfunctional FRG (family readiness group) which has dissolved into several ladies calling/texing/facebooking me in order to bitch about each other.

Verdict: Not so hot. Looking back, I would have handled the co-teacher bit a little differently, but I cut myself some slack because I really didn't know what the hell I was doing. I still dislike her. Also, joining the FRG was a terrible choice, but I will never make that mistake again. Geeze that was awful.

March: The second week in March, we find out that J is deploying. I cry for two days because I'm going to miss him, and our wedding, scheduled for July, has to be canceled.

We make the choice; called our families; frantically made plans.

Seven days after getting the news, J and I become man and wife.

Because there was no way to make a big production or to get married in Massachusetts, we got married at this beautiful chapel on post that has a lot of history. Our military chaplain was SO excited to be marrying us; he actually cried! He was so sweet. My wedding

dress, which my mother and I picked out back

home, could not be brought down in time, so I

decided that we would have a little theme which I didn't tell anyone about (especially J!).

I bought a gorgeous traveling dress and a fantastic little shop in town, after they heard our story, quickly fashioned a birdcage veil for me! I met with a hairdresser and told her what I was looking for on The Day and she studied up and practiced to make the perfect hair style!

Since my husband was deploying suddenly, like what happened to many couples during WWII, we had a 1940's style wedding! Our photographer, a milwife herself, immediately came from a conference in Vegas to shoot our wedding and a local historic home opened the house just for me

to go do some shots before going to the chapel! Overall, best, most perfect wedding.

Verdict: Best decision ever.

April: College is going well and I really loved working with a particular professor who helped me with questions I had about things going on in my job. I started my third teaching assignment with the school which ended on the last day of classes. I loved working with the kids but really

found how different my style is when, since I was told to access the teacher's email everyday and forward those that may be important, I saw an email from before I started. The previous

teacher must have told her that I was "too easy and let the kids get away with everything".

I almost got up and walked out of the school; that was a tough lesson. I knew that I was more

lenient with the kids (hello, I'm a sub-If I was super-strict they would revolt against me-I've

seen it happen to good people) but it hurt to know people were talking behind my back when

they've NEVER ACTUALLY WORKED WITH ME OR SEEN ME IN THE CLASSROOM.

That sucked. On the flipside, I could see my own progress as a teacher and that I was really learning the ropes. I had a great relationship with a lot of students- actually, some of the greatest

moments were when my first cycle of kids from October-Dec. came in to visit and, since I was teaching the same book I taught them, actually helped the new cycle of kids because they remembered everything.

We also got a bunny!

Verdict: I'm glad I made the choice to see that people were talking about me and to use what was constructive about it to shape how I will approach teaching once I have my own class. Fortunately I had some great students who validated that I had, in fact, taught them something. I'm glad it happened, though it was really hard to see at the time.

May: J and I only have one month together before he leaves for The Sandbox. We got some horrible news; his mother, a cancer survivor, was dying of cancer. We got the emergency call that we needed to be there as quickly as possible.

Notice that I'm smiling in a hospitable room; I'm not actually a cold, heartless wench. She is an amazing woman, who, even in the face of uncertain future, cracked jokes and is more social on her sick bed than I am over the course of probably 5 years. I finally met J's brothers. The middle brother is super nice, while the oldest is an absolute scene. (He hit on EVERY woman in a Wal-mart parking lot, took out a few false teeth at dinner, and asked a man weed-whacking on a hill if we could got to his house in order to try out a new gun he had bought at a pawn shop.)

In a similar vein, J forced me to take a gun class because at that point I thought I would just stay in Oklahoma. I am a huge fan of gun control in a lot of cases but J's whole family are all proud gun owners. (His mother has a dish on her counter that holds candy and live ammo. She's a trip.)

Also, school ended in May and I realized how much I was really going to miss my kids. As we neared the end of school, kids started coming in to tell me what I had done for them through the year. One of my girls, a talented artist and poet, used to show me her work and we would talk about it. She also revealed that her best friend had been raped and then took off, and how she was struggling to deal with it without anyone to talk to. At the end of the year she gifted me the poem I had told her was my favorite with an attached, gorgeous drawing of an angel. If listening to her was the only thing I got to do all year, I couldn't be more grateful that I got to be there for her. This job pulls at my heartstrings.

Verdict: I'm happy that J got to see his mother before he deployed. I'm glad that this month taught me how important it is to just be there for people when they're reaching out; the lesson was eloquently taught and I'm thankful.

June:

Deployment.

I wear my favorite dress and hold his mother while she cries. Just seeing him in uniform in formation, he's already gone and I miss him.

Two days before he is set to go, I realize I can't handle living in our apartment in our little life without him. I sell everything, pack up what's left and me and puppy Q hit the road to drive from Oklahoma to Massachusetts.

(Q thinks he took turns driving.)

On the way, I stopped over in Alabama to see one of the best, funniest ladies in the world. CC and I have been friends since she transferred into the same middle school as me. She is hilarious and I get a huge kick out of her. I got to meet her boyfriend and her baby, my godson, who is a demonstration in perfection. Love him.

Verdict: No choice about J's deployment, so I can say that sucked without having to take any responsibility on that one. The choice to move home was good I think; I get to spend time with the family and the ensuing issues of living back with my parents as a wedded woman are probably keeping me pretty occupied. Deliriously happy I got to see CC and her family.

July: For the second time in my life, I took a gun class. This time, it was in Massachusetts and was a private course for just the ladies in my family.

My mother definitely was trying to keep me busy; she made a bunch of plans for us, partly because I think she wanted to do all these things anyway and needed a sidekick, partly because J had just deployed. She books classes and field trips, including going to the Butterfly Place!

Also, my friend A, who I have known since the dawn of time, came up to visit her family and I got to see her! She moved to Tennessee years ago, so I get really excited when we get to meet up. I went to one of her family parties and had a great time. She and I chatted, joked around with people I hadn't seen in ages, did some glamour shots with cheese balls. You know, the usual.

Verdict: I was a wreck this month and cannot say that I actually made any decisions this month. Mostly, my mother put me under her wing and mother bird-ed me through.

August: Every year, my family and my aunt's family go on vacation to Virginia Beach. It is always fun, and this year and was me and my parents, my aunt and uncle, my cousin Kate, and a steady parade of her friends flying in and out throughout the week.

Kate is only a few years older than I am, so she and I have always been close and her friends kind of treat me like a little sister/friend, and they're super fun. My aunt and uncle are a good time. My uncle recently retired, so he was partying hard and enjoying many a fine spirit, which explains how he got himself trapped in this suitcase like a turtle on its back.

August was when I hit the "I resent my husband for leaving" period of deployment and was trying to deal with that, as well as just missing the hell out of him. The only bright spot: we found out his leave had been moved up, so I would see him next month!

Verdict: I was really struggling to deal with my feelings about deployment and J and I had a lot of little fights and miscommunication. While I disliked going through it, I am now at the point where I can realize it helped me cope and J and I had to talk some things out in order to have a strong marriage. Overall, a necessary decision.

September: I got to see his face!

After carefully and secretively planning and scrimping, I got to surprise J with a week vacation to Puerto Rico and a chance to meet our favorite singer. It was an absolutely perfect time; we were better than ever after having talked through so many issues and feelings over the phone for a few months, and we really love each other.

Verdict: I'm going to throw bouquets at myself; his leave was perfect and I know he loved it, so I'm happy with this month's decisions.

October: I had been working as a special education aide for a month now and was really starting to understand the way things worked.

Verdict: Although originally I wasn't exited about working in SpEd, I am actually really glad to be in the job. It pays in peanuts, but the work experience is invaluable. I know that now only is my resume more attractive to future employers, but actually knowing more of the ins-and-outs of IEP's and policy is going to be so helpful. Not only that, but it's kind of like student teaching because I get to work with experienced teachers and observe strategies that work and aren't as effective. SO glad to be in this job!

November: In November I really had a routine in life. I was happy in my job and things were starting to get better with the situation with my parents. We had hit rough patches trying to redefine our relationship but it started to really get better.

I went to Manhattan to visit my best friend from college. She is a fabulous twenty-something. She's always calling from Chicago or Philadelphia or wherever for business, and when I visited she suggested we go for a walk to see the Brooklyn Bridge and then to a private rehearsal for a new opera.

We immediately got kicked out, which is pretty hilarious. She's a good time. I also met her boyfriend and his best friend and the four of us had a fantastic time at a Hungarian restaurant. After a few Oktoberfests, somehow we were all inviting each other to the Poconos, though I don't think any one of us had ever been.

In the middle of the month, my grandmother Mae passed away. She had been struggling for years and had several strokes. Because of my school schedule and being close by her nursing home, I was able to be with her during her last couple days and was there when she passed. I believe in a beautiful afterlife, and I know she was in pain.

Verdict: Getting along better with the parents: good. Going to see Nancy: good. Being with my grandmother when she passed: good. In a selfish way I'm not happy that my grandmother isn't here sometimes, but I truly think she's happier where she is now.

December: This was a scary month that turned into a great month. At the end of November, I was told that I needed to have a biopsy. Though I know that being told you have "abnormal cells" is kind of typical and the test itself was standard procedure, cancer terrifies me. I had the test done and waited for weeks for the results: Cancer Free!

And you know what else? My mother-in-law, who had been told the aggressive chemo/radiation hadn't worked, underwent a miracle. Her latest scan found NO CANCER! In the space of a month, she went from the most dire predictions to complete health. She is a survivor, through and through, and bought herself a motorcycle to celebrate. :)

After talking to my school in Oklahoma, they decided to allow me to do my internships up here and I can keep my job! They're going to tell me all the details later this month, but I'm psyched. (I harassed the crap out of everyone there to figure out if this was possible, but so worth it!)

J and I got into the biggest fight EVER (over money) which was really serious. However, we worked it out, he got what he wanted and I decided that if he got to spend so much money, I would pull from our small savings and get a few things for myself (winter coat, boots, etc.) This will not always be a possible solution, but he knows that he totally fucked up and I won't resent him forever because I went out and got mine. On top of that, we paid off all his debt! So, we'll say that we were just celebrating this month.

Verdict: Cancer free: Awesome, though I can't say that any decision that I made during this month had anything to do with it for me or my mother-in-law. The financial fight? Oh, I'm definitely happy that shit went down. He now knows that he can't just make choices without thinking of the fact that he's now married, and this b*tch is NOT going to have bad credit and crazy debts. I'm happy that he's out of debt and that he got a few things to celebrate it; I'm happy that I got to justify spending more money that I ever have on just things I wanted. But now, looking forward, this situation can never happen again.

The Year: Some major good, some major bad, but I feel pretty good about it in general.

2011's gonna kick ass though.