Freak out.

I am completely freaking out.

J is supposed to be home on leave THIS AFTERNOON!

I am so excited to see him, but I have been trying to plan some major surprises, so actually, I have a lot of anxiety. I don't know if I can pull everything off, and I'll be so upset with myself if I can't. I can't even express how much I'm freaking out.

Add to that the fact that I've gained a few pounds since I last saw him and my skin has gone crazy, and I'm a royal mess. (I do blame some of this on skipping my period and just going onto the next month's pack-don't judge.)

So anyway, I'm scattered, all over the place, so nervous I kinda wish I could just throw up.

Wish me luck (and sanity!)

I miss my husband.

I miss my husband.

I miss just being with him and talking about the minutiae of our everydays, discussing for an hour what it is we may want to do with a Saturday, or bringing the dog with us while we get ice cream just because we want it.

I miss talking to him about anything other than bills or things I need to do/errands I need to run for both of us. The word "dollar" has become a dirty word to me; I wish we didn't have to talk about it all the time because we're worlds away from one another.

I miss the way he will dance to make me laugh, how excited he used to get about barbecuing on our tiny little grill and, after he had fallen asleep on the couch, waking him up by reaching for his hand so he'd come to bed with me at night. I miss his sleepy face that is just the cutest, saddest, most perfect face.

I can't wait to see him on his leave...in about a week!

YES! YES! YES!

Please, Jesus, I just really want to see him for a little bit. He'll be my own little library book- I know it's just a loan, but I still would like to check him out! (Wink wink!)

Apple Picking & Dreamboat Watching

Yesterday was a nature day I'm thinking. First, we went to Garden in the Woods for light hiking. It's exactly what it sounds like- you drive up the winding narrow pathway to find a large man-made garden with trails throughout the surrounding woods. It was very pretty but probably something to try again during the spring, so as to see everything in bloom.

Then we went apple picking! I haven't done this in ages.

I love the smell of an apple orchard in the middle of the day. The sun warms up the apples that have spilled to the ground and there's a very light scent of fresh warm apples everywhere. It's heavenly.

Lastly, went to Patriot's Place in Foxborough, (home of the New England Patriots!), to see Inception. Definitely worth all the hype-it was smart and visually stunning with a perfectly selected cast. If you have not seen it, it's definitely worth it. Top two favorite scenes: zero gravity fight scene and expertly-played last scene. I guess some people thought it was really confusing, but I thought it was pretty understandable...? Although in the ladies' room after the movie, two girls were saying they had a tough time with it. However, they had extremely thick accents and it was very obvious that English was not their first language. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is it's probably pretty confusing if there's a language barrier.

And when did Joseph Gordon-Levitt become such a dreamboat? Never saw that coming from his 3rd Rock from the Sun days.

You Capture: Signs

This week, the project is "Signs". Not gonna lie, I struggled with this one but I'm going to put up the results anyway, just to keep me motivated.

This was on one of the pathways at Garden in the Woods, winding past a lily pond and through a meadow.

I love this farm; everything about it is picturesque to me.

Note: This is a crappy photo, but honestly, it just cracked me up.

"Sniff Dawg- In Rear".

Ha!

Plans

I am absolutely, 100% and unapologetically a planner.

I. PLAN. EVERYTHING.

Clearly, the military and I are going to be at odds pretty much always. I have definitely learned the hard way that the army is not his other woman- *I* am the other woman. And I know, I know, I need to learn to relax, go with the flow, re-assess my own life plans/goals/ambitions because I walked into this deal with my eyes open.

But I'm sorry, I'm bitter. Bitter about canceling our wedding, bitter about the 9 flights (so far) that I have had to cancel but am still paying for on my credit card. Bitter enough to get p*ssed and make sure I don't abandon everything I wanted to be because I'm an Army wife. I'm worried about looking at my life in 10 years and wondering where *I* am in it.

I know this is not what I'm supposed to be saying, and truly I think that I do try to smooth out every transition and obstacle that comes up and be the supportive one. I know that everything I am writing/feeling is MilSpouse heresy, and I do have guilt. Believe me.

It's just...I had really, really big dreams. I really, really wanted Yale for a PhD based on my love of history or the history of literature. That's (on average) a 6.7 year commitment, and a whole inconceivable amount of money to invest. I wanted to be a professor at a top-notch school, leading a scholarly-type existence where I got to teach and learn, have in-depth conversations with other faculty, publish incredibly insightful dissertations, push myself every single day.

For better or worse, that dream is out. And it's weird to say that, because this is the first time I've really felt a door close in my life. I know it happens the older you get and the more forks you have in the road, but I definitely felt this door slam.

Well, it's time to pull myself up by my bra straps, as Nana would say. I AM going to have at least two higher degrees, and since it can't happen exactly where I would like, I'll just challenge myself in another way.

This whole morning I sat down and figured this out- in the next three years, I will have (1) certificate program completed, (1) Master's in Education, and (1) Master's in Educational Leadership at a school at the base I'm pretty sure we'll be stationed at. If I only get one master's I can deal with that (for now) and I've told J I really don't want to get into baby-making mode before I get 2 out of 3.

He just kind of half-listens and at the end of it says, "It'll work out."

Damn right it will.

Come hell or high water.

Puppy Love

My pup's best friend is a horse.

We met him while taking a somewhat leisurely, somewhat frantic walk down the street 2 weeks ago. About five minutes from my house there are a bunch of really cute farms with generally one cow, a couple sheep, a handful of chickens.

One of these farms has three beautiful horses. The black and white share the same field, while a lonely chestnut one is fenced in by himself. I don't know why; seems friendly to me.

Q loves animals- in Oklahoma I had to chase him through prairie dog towns pretty frequently because he tried to get his snout up in their homes all the time. So when he saw the horse, immediately he had to go befriend him.

Look at him! He's so cute!

Now, on all of our walks, Q has figured out that if he scrambles up and gets himself wedged in the rock wall right outside the fence he gets to sit there with his friend. They enjoy licking each other in the snout, sniffing one another's ears, and Q sits by while his friend eats some grass.

It's love.

Meatball-flavored grapes.

I'm having grapes for breakfast.

"What the h*ll are these? What the f*ck kind of grapes are these?"- Dad (swears like a sailor. Actually, no, my brother's navy and Dad's definitely worse than him...)

"Whaddya mean? They're green. They're grapes. They're green grapes, Dad."- Me

(shaking her head while organizing her bills) -Mum

So I'm having those grapes for breakfast today...and they taste like lasagne.

Which means it's party time! Whenever my parents host a party (Labor Day!), they cram so much food in the fridge that everything begins to taste like everything else.

I'm not sure why that is, since most of it has been tinfoiled, but whatever. It makes these grapes taste...very filling. Like little meatballs.

You Capture: Mornings

Oh I am so into this!

Just found this fun weekly photo challenge on I Should Be Folding Laundry.

I'm going to get on last week's theme to get me going...

Mornings.

Ok, so generally I like my mornings a bit later. Last week (before the new job started!) I was

walking through my mother's gardens and I just loved this.

I can't put my finger on why, but it just makes me feel lucky.

Hurricanes and Credit Reports

Two things that seem to be on everyone's minds today.

So, I had the day off because "all the rich schools" (Mum's words) are on vacation because many of them usually head out to Nantucket or Martha's Vineyard for their Labor Day clambakes and whatnot.

I, personally, have only been to Nantucket, and only once. It was for a basketball game in high school and the cheerleaders went as well. So we're standing off to the side stretching before we do any stunts and suddenly find insults being hurled at us FROM THE PARENTS OF THE OTHER TEAM. Not only was it just a bad display of poor sports-parent-ship, they called us "dirty chowder". I mean, I knew from the tone I was supposed to be offended, but I'm not really sure what that means. I did give props for regionalized creativity, though.

Anyway, now they're the dirty chowder (or whatever) because they're apparently going to get hit with Hurricane Earl. I do feel bad for the TONS of weddings that are supposed to be going on this week, but then I hear things like this woman who called into the radio during my morning commute, complaining that she'll have to fly out on her private plane earlier than expected.

Rich people. Ugh.

On the other end of the spectrum, we are dealing, AGAIN, with J's security clearance issue. J has some old debt that needs to be taken care of, and while he and I have been working on it, his paperwork is constantly getting "misplaced" in S shop (clerical office). It has been a constant battle and they have threatened a thousand times that they are going to chapter him out because he "hasn't been working on it" even though A. we can only afford what we can afford, and B. THEY keep losing his d*mn paperwork!

Anyway, so the big update today? We are down to only 2 (2!) accounts that need to be worked out. It's still going to be a good chunk of change, but he will have all bad debt cleaned up by Christmas! The good thing is, besides the fact it will be finished, is that he constantly tells me how amazing I am because I am the craziest budgeter ever. (I kind of have to be because otherwise my student loans would be the death of us, so you know. It's really forced amazingness.)

So I guess today's little entry was about the weather and finances. If that doesn't whip you into a frenzy of enthusiasm....

Back to School

So far, I am in love with this school. These people truly do go above and beyond and you can tell that every single one of them absolutely loves being an educator, so it's a fantastic environment.

Plus, they're, like, the beautiful people.

Actually the whole place looks like something from TV. (It's a bit of a money town.) All the women dress in Dillard's or something comparably upscale, while the men are cut out of J.Crew or L.L. Bean. It's somewhat intimidating knowing that someone's short-sleeve polo cost more than my entire outfit...

Eh, whatever.

The first day was teacher orientation and they brought in a guest speaker. His name was Travis Roy and he has a crazy inspiring life/presentation.

From his website:

Travis Roy first put on ice skates when he was just 20 months old. As years passed, his love for the game of hockey quickly became a passion. In the fall of 1995 Roy accomplished one of his dream goals by earning a hockey scholarship to Boston University. At twenty-years of age he entered into his first collegiate hockey game. Eleven seconds into his first shift, his life changed forever as he crashed into the boards and cracked his fourth and fifth cervical vertebra, paralyzing him from the neck down.

He talked about how he made it through and what kept him going. He explained that "having a positive attitude will get you further than anything else" and to reach your dreams, you need to set up small goals as rungs on the ladder to get you there.

I'm not doing it justice, but he really was amazing. Some audience members were getting a little emotional although the older gentleman next to me was more so than most. Turns out I was sitting next to his father.

Not only am I impressed that the school brought someone in like this for the orientation, but they continue to impress with what they have lined up for students. Example: next week every grade will rotate through and go biking/canoeing/hiking. But here's how it works- on the biking days, for example, they set out with their social studies teachers and are taught the history of the town through a bike tour. Isn't that amazing?

I definitely have a crush on my place of work. Ew.

Pumped!

Gahh! Exciting!

You know how all those really good blogs have tons of awards they've been gifted?

Well, that fabulous hot-to-trot mama over at thepunkrockmom (definitely check her out!) just made me feel pretty special with this little number for "rocking her socks off daily" :)

The Rules:

*thank the person that gave you the award (just did, and also had to ask her about an attack...see her blog!)

*list 7 things about you that you haven't revealed to the bloggy-verse as of yet

* pass them on to the bloggers that deserve them

Some sweet facts!

1.) My little pup, Q, has only three legs. He lived with my husband's parents for a little while during Josh's first deployment (before he and I met) and he got into the street. He was hit, and my in-laws' Boxer dog jumped the fence and stood guard over him to keep him safe.

They are still fast friends! :)

2.) I used to dress my youngest brother up like a gypsy and force him to wear make up and head scarves.

3.) I love the taste of banana chapstick, but have not found that flavor since I was 9. Sad.

4.) My father is a volunteer firefighter so we have a police scanner in our house. I was terrified of it as a child because I thought they could hear me/were talking to me all the time.

5.) My grandmother bought me my first "I'm 21!" drink. It was a bright blue something at a Chinese karaoke bar.

6.) People CONSTANTLY tell me they've seen me before, I look familiar, I must have a twin. Either that or compare me to movie stars that look nothing alike, and nothing like me. (Winona Rider? Uma Thurman? Kate Winslet? Got 'em all.)

7.) My husband has NO SHAME whatsoever, while I can't stay in the room if someone is embarrassing themselves on TV. I seriously cannot handle it.

Now onto the good part!

I am passing this along to...

- a(muse)ing mommy on a pink park bench

- he wears combat boots-i wear stilettos

- scripture sprinkles

- the unexpected army life

- the adventures of Mr. Superman and Mrs. S

Love me some blog love.