Family Tree

My grandfather is, according to my grandmother, a sour kraut. He's almost 100% German, although we're not sure because of some sketchy adoption/missing family background information, but it's safe to say he's pretty German. (Born in America, but you know what I mean.) Generally at any family gathering, he sits back in his chair and watches the goings-on with half-interest and at some point during the festivities turns off his hearing aid. He wears plaid shirts and khaki's every day and most of us assume that he pretty much dislikes everyone.

HE. IS. HILARIOUS.

So you know I took that assessment survey about what I want to do/have/be, and one of those things on the to-do list was find out about my Nana's family before she can't remember. I was visiting my grandparents and actually Grampa was really into it. He started telling stories about his family and growing up and I found out he's been trying to trace his roots for years. He even hired someone who could only find records for so long and then lost the trail. So now Grampa and I are on the case.

Now, I know most people find family tree stuff kind of dull. I, myself, am a history nerd and love it just for itself, but having my grandparents tell the stories? So funny.

Grampa told me that his uncle and my grandmother's father LOVED to argue. Whenever they had big cook-outs or parties and the two of them were there, they would inevitably get into it with each other. At one point my grandfather remembers his uncle coming into the kitchen looking exasperated.

"He's doing it again!" Grampa's uncle told him.

"Who's doing what?" My grampa replied.

"That son of a bitch keeps drinking my drink!"

It turns out that whenever Grampa's uncle would turn his back, Nana's father would take gulps of his drink, thinking no one noticed.

You know that laugh when you're laughing so hard you don't make any noise? My grandfather was doubled-over, killing himself telling some of these stories.

He also told me a neighbor once called his great aunt "ugly as a bucket full of asshole," and then remarked, "I had to agree!"

He was in such a jovial mood he actually SKIPPED WATCHING THE NEWS (that NEVER happens) and told another family member who dropped by to "keep the faith" and then laughed hysterically at his shocked face.

This is the guy that turns off his hearing aid?